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What NOT To Name Your Kid

what not name your kid

Source: O#20443 - MID#100076787507

The desire to come up with a unique name for a baby is a noble act that can turn into a downright disaster. It would be wise for parents to remember that babies become children who have judgmental classmates, then these children become adults who have to go into the real world and interview for jobs.

Parents often strive to create a brighter future for their children than what they had. Giving a child an easy to pronounce name that is fitting of their personality is essential but apparently unimportant to some parents who have more expansive horizons (and more open minds). In a world where Kim Kardashian can name her child North West and Gwyneth Paltrow can name her child Apple, these names might imply that unusual names are acceptable even for an unfamous baby. However, parents please be warned. Your child may really end up hating their names.

The following 30 names prove that some monikers will be deemed unacceptable no matter what the intention or level of notoriety behind them.

  1. Adorabell – Prepare yourself now because this will likely be the most normal name you see on this list. This young lady could go on to become a funky hipster hair stylist or the owner of a boutique that only sells butterfly-themed objects, fully embracing her unique moniker, however, why take chances? Things could be worse, and if you continue reading, they will be.
  2. Alucard – It’s different, it’s powerful, and when you spell it backward you get a big surprise!
  3. Budz Kronik – Wow. The parents who chose to name their baby this clearly have ambition (in the oddest way!) and they clearly want the same future for their son, too.
  4. Baby Boi – Nobody puts Baby Boi in a corner!
  5. Candida – To the person who has no idea what this medical term really means, it might sound sort of pretty. Unfortunately, Candida is a fungus from the yeast family found inside of our bodies that aids in digestion and optimal feminine health. When overgrowth occurs, an infection begins. Not something your kid wants to be named after.
  6. Chairish – You know, as in being chair-like?
  7. Colon – Either a part of the human anatomy that is essential in extrication or a punctuation mark used to precede a list of items. Either way it’s not a great name for a child.
  8. C’Kret – A hard and fast rule to remember when it comes to naming children: just stay away from any apostrophes.
  9. Enward – This name hits two birds with one stone: Insulting your child at the same time as an entire population.
  10. Febreze – A general rule for naming children would be to stay away from copyrighted names of air freshener.
  11. Guantanamo – Naming your child after an infamous detention camp in Cuba is a bold move. I doubt anyone would mess with this kid, so if that’s what the parents were going for, then I guess they succeeded.
  12. Hayydden – Don’t begin your child’s name the same way you would begin a text to a Tinder date. Also, a double dd makes the name sound like Hayy-da-den. Was that the intention? If it was, why?
  13. Hashtag – Welcome to the world, #Hashtag. The child is at least guaranteed to be Instagram famous.
  14. Hyness also Ya’ Hyness and Yr’ Hyness – If you want to give your child a royal sounding name, perhaps William, Charles, or Elizabeth would be better choices? Or maybe you could simply spell “Highness” correctly; even that would be an improvement.
  15. Heistheway – I understand where you were going with this, but that doesn’t mean I like it.
  16. Ikea – It’s a nice name, for a home furnishing store. It also works as a great place to get meatballs. As far as naming your child goes, there are better Swedish names to choose from.
  17. Kashmoney – Unless your child grows up to be a rapper, there is a great chance that he won’t be very successful with this one.
  18. Ledjend – On the off-off chance there is a “Legend” in the same classroom, your child will be able to differentiate himself by this unique difference in spelling.
  19. Mishadow – Do you really want your child to spend their life living in your shadow? Especially the shadow of an adult who would name their child Mishadow?
  20. Mhavryck – Like Maverick, only much, much worse. However, because the properly spelled name means “nonconformist” I have to applaud the somewhat ironic dedication to the definition.
  21. Nevaeh – It’s no longer a unique name for a child. Sorry. Also, isn’t it a little weird that they’re spelling Heaven backward? The parents might as well name the kid Antichrist.
  22. Punched – This child won’t be getting noogies around the school playground, he’ll be getting something a lot worse.
  23. Phelony – In order to choose this name you must first completely let go of any future hopes and dreams involving her becoming anything of dignity. She could very well become a high-class embezzler, though… especially if you consider white collar crime “high class.”
  24. Regret – If you’re even toying with this name then maybe you should be considering adoption.
  25. Uteraz – Why not just call the baby Uterus and be done with it? Did these parents believe that they were somehow being clever by spelling it this way? We may never know. It does qualify as one of the strangest names ever, though.
  26. Yunique – Plus 100 Points for being unique, but minus 1,000 points for being “Yunique.” Not a cool name whatsoever, and you could do so much better by finding a truly “unique” name.
  27. Adolf Hitler – Yes, someone actually named their child this. Definitely getting an award for the worst name ever.

If someone you know has been considering any of these names for their future offspring, it is your duty as a fellow member of society to warn these future parents to the repercussions of a poorly chosen name. This is something that’s going to (most likely, unless it’s just that bad) stick with your child for the rest of their life. Do them a favor and grant a name they’ll appreciate and not be ridiculed for.

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